


Push and Pull

by sevenfactorial



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Blow Jobs, Boss Jung Jaehyun, Car Sex, Emotional, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Florist Lee Taeyong, Fucked Up, Implied Sexual Content, Librarian Johnny Suh, Love/Hate, Manager Kim Doyoung, Singer Nakamoto Yuta, Top Nakamoto Yuta, Writer Reader, Younger brother Haechan, nct 127, no-name-female-lead
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-25
Updated: 2020-10-22
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:14:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 5,683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26100229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sevenfactorial/pseuds/sevenfactorial
Summary: They wanted to make both ends meet but that will only be a loop. A never ending cycle of pleasure and doubts.
Relationships: Nakamoto Yuta/Reader
Kudos: 14





	1. 7th Sense

**Author's Note:**

> It's my first time publishing my works, thanks for the support! You can listen to this playlist I made for additional feels ( ╹▽╹ )
> 
> PLAYLIST:  
> Blue – Troye Sivan ft. Alex Hope  
> Heather – Conan Gray  
> Affection – Cigarettes After Sex  
> Location Unknown [Brooklyn Session] – HONNE ft. BEKA  
> Slow Down – Mac Ayres  
> Easily – Bruno Major  
> Nothing – Jeremy Passion

Why do we always write sad stories, she said while panting. We're happy right? He did not answer but continued thrusting until all he heard were muffled moans and creaking sounds. Who asks those things while having sex, he thought.

He went deeper and felt her clamping on him. Her nails scratch on his back as their bodies collide. Their rhythm getting faster and fragmented breathing gets more audible. Sweat running down her cleavage as she arches her back due to so much pleasure. Her spot is being hit countless times. 

She couldn’t help it, loud moans and 'Yuta, ahh, do it faster!’ left her lips. They’re both nearing their climax. He aggressively sucked on her collar bone like it’s his last meal. She moves her hips to meet his movements. It wasn’t long enough when he released it inside.

Ahh, that was nice. A little cramped but exciting. Let's do more car sex in the future. Fixing his trousers and straightening his composure. Eyes fixated on the mess he made, sprawled clothes, sticky skin from sweat, and the rapid inhale and exhale of the woman he just fucked.

"Hey, you didn't answer my question." 

"We just made love, right? Isn't that enough of an answer?"

She looked away, a reflection of herself can be seen in the tinted window. I want to sleep, drive fast. He didn't bother to look even with her tone being different from her usual, cheeky and intimidating voice.

It was eleven in the evening when the lights turned on, a little later the bathtub was full and there she was dozing off from tiredness at work. What are you doing, not yet finished? No answer. It's late, you have work tomorrow. Guess she fell asleep again. Ah, where did she put her towel?

Her tired body seemed so fragile and he thought to himself, 'You're high maintenance. Always making me do the rest for you but I couldn’t help it, I’m enticed.’. It was 0:00 when he lay her sleeping soul to his mattress. Blowing to her eyelashes that he adores, he set himself to sleep.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck! I slept at his place again!" 

Johnny just sighed. How many times have he heard this before? Removing the historical fiction books that randomly showed up in teen fiction, he looked at her. Aren't you guys dating? A book fell with a thud. It was her fault this time. 

Look, I don't know if we are. There's just no exchange of 'I love you's but we sleep together, go to the beach or mountain, we even play soccer together. Voice getting softer as she goes down the ladder. It's like we have but we also don't.

Then why do you keep looking for him, just treat it as a one night stand though that's plenty of it. There's no need to get attached. She insisted that she can't help it. The way he looks at me when he paints in his free time, his words that swirl my mind, and his touch that I keep longing for, I can't get enough of it. It's sweet but intoxicating.

"I am intoxicating?" the books fell again as she jumped from surprise. It's Yuta. Fuck, she thought. I can't stand his face and his voice, I hate to see him but I can't let him go. Just, what do I do now? "Babe, you could've just said that to me. No need to be poetic."

"How much did you hear." she's fidgeting. She can't lose herself to someone else again. Again. How many 'again' has it been before him. "Not much, just you saying I'm sweet and intoxicating." 

Johnny thought it's time to leave the two alone. Finishing his rounds before peeking into the stock room. There they go again, can't they close the door? I'm tired of seeing them make out. He cautiously closed the door before signing out.

I won’t be seeing you for a while. He helped her get down from the three layers of boxes where they made out. I got a recording scheduled for the whole week, it’s a bummer.

Sounds good to me. You don’t even have to say that to me, we’re not dating. The sound of her heels echoed as she walked to the door. It’s not like I will miss you.

“But you will. I’m more than sure that you will.” 


	2. Without You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dkfhsbs I forgot, I recommed playing one song per chapter from the playlist

Uneven color of white surrounds the ceiling. How long has she been staring at it while tapping on her pen. It's Thursday, she thought. I should survive this day and be gone tomorrow. No, I can't. Boss will kill me if I do. I haven't presented any acceptable plot for a while now.

Seventh on her playlist was his debut song. A love song, really? Did he even feel what it’s like to be in love, she questioned again. He’s always in the headlines. Was it nine, no maybe it’s twelve. She actually stopped counting after his dating rumor with a Korean actress. She smiled a little, it’s been two years yet no one knows that their adored singer-songwriter and actor fucks around with her. Yeah they do things not suitable for work but she still doesn’t know where’s the line that gives distinction to what they are.

He keeps breaking and rebuilding my walls. He's a xenon. A flash of light, abrupt and blinding yet I'm still smiling. Ironically xenon is also used in seeing deep into your body, but he's dangerous. He looks so deep that it feels like I’m a manuscript he memorized. I am a phosphorus. A spark of fire that slowly dies down with time. Used to light up a candle and quickly discarded after being used. He's a noble gas, I'm a non metal. How will we bond?

Her bubble popped when her phone buzzed. Let's have a date tonight. You free? She wanted to type 'No, sorry I need to finish some stuff' but ended up replying with 'Send me the details'. Mr. Jung can wait, if not then I'll have to find another publishing house. Why not go for something impromptu, unpredictable like how she suddenly found herself writing the second chapter.

It's funny that ‘how’ and ‘who’ have the same three letters. Jumble them up and they mean different yet both ask a question. Who and how did you make me stumble. Damn, that's one of a hell of an opener she got there. I need to finish as soon as possible, she reminded herself of tonight's dinner.

I'm in a deep shit, he thought. She's a play thing, we shouldn't be having dates and late night talks about the stars. Swinging his bat up and down, he aimed for the ball. He missed. What's wrong with you, Jaehyun asked. He shrugged and walked away. Let's grab some late lunch, I'm hungry.

"You know her right?" a picture flashed in front of Jaehyun's face. 

"Yeah, she's my new writer. What about her?" he eyed the Japanese man. "You having sex with her or something?"

Yuta slumped back, rested his chopsticks on his plate and sighed. He thought of seven possible ways to make himself sound nice. How would he tell his friend, the boss of his unknown-status woman, that he wants to see her beg and cry because of him. Shatter that silly smile and laughter of hers. Make her fall in love then leave her alone yet can't do a single thing to fulfill his plans.

Well, she piqued my interest. Still can't decide if she's good enough for me to keep. She doesn't succumb to me easily. Now it was Jaehyun that stopped eating. Don't go around fucking my employee because she's stubborn. Play soccer, not hearts. Yuta thought, sorry but no. I’m bored, we’ve been playing around for too long. I need to spice things up.

Seventh of July, he remembered the day they first met. It was at the birthday party of his sister. She opened the door for him, inches away from each other. His breath tickled her neck, she looked up and stared at his eyes. ‘Your eye color is like hazelnut, it’s cute' was the first thing she said to him. 

He can’t focus on the party, they’ve been eyeing each other for ages. The atmosphere is getting hot so he bid goodbye to his sister and left. As expected, she followed and the first thing he said to her was 'To my house or yours?’.

He's late and it's intentional. An hour and a half late to be exact. He stayed at the studio longer than he should have. It's snowing, she must be shivering in the cold. Wait, why do I care? The receptionist said no when he asked if there's a woman waiting for him at his reserved table. I bet she already left. It's surprising, actually. This is the first time he left to follow someone who's not his mother. Just what the fuck is he thinking?

“Hey.” She’s wearing laced undergarments. It’s an understatement to say that she’s hot. Too erotic to be said into words. He licked his lips and snickered. Have you been waiting too long that you’re already wet down there? So, what did we do in your imagination?

“There’s no need to tell you. We can do it right here, right now. Fuck me until I can’t feel my legs.” The sound of the door clicking can be heard even at the other end of the hallway. She’s not easy to manipulate, just like what he wanted. Makes him want to break her more.


	3. Timeless

Let’s stop seeing each other, yeah? She said while nuzzling up in his neck. It’s getting tiring. We fuck up then make love. We’re not even dating. He softly chuckled. Ruffling her hair then giving a peck on her forehead. You’re tired of me? That’s rare, I never heard that before.

It’s unfair, can’t you see? I know you like me too but you know I have feelings for you. She looked up to him and traced his lips. I want to kiss you every time we meet. You’re an asshole, I know that. So let’s stop this, I don’t want to give what you want. She averted her eyes and rested her head again on his chest.

I’m fine with our set-up, actually. It’s less of a hassle this way. He tugged her closer to his chest and soothes her back. They wanted to make both ends meet but that will only be a loop. A never ending cycle of pleasure and doubts.

She’s buttoning her polo when she notices a mark. Smile crept it’s way on her face. She felt loved, like he finally acknowledged her and said ‘I own you’. It’s a little late though, she already decided to put an end to their countless one night stands and unplanned ‘hanging out’, pretending it’s not a date. She wants a definite yes or no. A line that draws commitment.

Three knocks and she opened the door. She placed a folder in front of her boss. “The deadline was two days ago last month. This better be the best or I won’t accept any excuses.” Mr. Jung, rather Jaehyun, read the title on her manuscript. “Did Yu— never mind. You can now go.”

Jaehyun wanted to ask if Yuta confessed. He knows the guy like the back of his hands. Yuta's bipolar and cheeky. He’s a decent man, far from the speculations made solely on his looks but with her, he’s a playboy and an asshole. She knows that too but why does she still settle for their messy fuck up then make up relationship. She’s not a rehabilitation center to keep accepting his shit of a friend.

Will she like daisies? Maybe a dandelion? He’s been staring at the two for who knows how long. The manager got tired of waiting for him to pick and said, “Daisies symbolize innocence or purity. It can also mean a new beginning. Dandelions are usually given by someone that pledges faithfulness to a loved one that will provide happiness. They don’t know it also means emotional healing.”

His jaw clenched. He’s sure she’ll look up the meaning on the internet once she received this. Tapping his feet and crossing his arms, he finally looked at the older. His face looks a lot kinder than what his voice makes him look like. ‘Taeyong’ his card says. Taeyong must be nearing his patience, attending a confused shit like me.

I’ll just get sunflowers. He reached for his wallet to get his card while Taeyong arranged his order. He is a pain in the ass, the manager thought. Probably under conflict with his lover.

Got you some— he deleted the message he was supposed to send. We’re not lovers nor fuck buddies. I write songs about her, she writes stories about me. I was her ‘rebound’ she was my play thing. Is it really possible for her to fall in love with me? They keep trying to push each other away but not too far to be outside their grip.

Taeyong came back with the sunflowers and handed it to Yuta. “Hey stranger, would you propose to someone that’s not your lover but you know she has a special place in your heart?”

I’m a fucking florist not a love guru, he said to Yuta. Man, I know you’re head must be jumbled because of your busy life but who the fuck will do that? Yuta thought so too. It must have been his impulsiveness kicking in. I’ll tell you more in a bar, he said. He left the sunflowers at the store, deciding that it’s better to distance himself for a while.

Four months after her fiancé cancelled the wedding and left to find himself, we met at my sister’s party. She was wasting her life, literally drinking and fucking every night. I remember her saying, if you want me, keep me amused. Yuta drank a glass of vodka in one shot. Snapped his fingers and ordered another one.

Taeyong was surprised at how shitty their minds are. Embodiment of all the angsty stories he read before. But I never wanted anyone, they wanted me, Yuta continued. We’re honest to each other. We’re aware at how we fuck each other’s emotions so we’ll have anywhere to go but our houses. Now she wants to be my muse.

“Are you sure you mess with each other’s mind? Aren’t you guys just some problematic adults that need reassurance? From what I can see, you like her too. You both want to feed your ego with affection you never received before.” He pivoted his chair to face the younger. He contemplated if he should say what’s on his mind but decided to just tap Yuta’s shoulder. I’m just a stranger you just met but okay, call me if you want to hear more from me. Taeyong decided it’s too late so he should go back.

“Yeah I’ll save your number.”


	4. Baby Don't Stop

He's in epiphany. The feeling of lips licking his manhood and the walls of her cheeks sucking it. She's so good at this, he thought. If it was a profession then she’ll be a professional cock sucker. How many men had she done this to before? He let out a growl, his inner self encountering some kind of unknown feeling.

They wanted to try a quiet sex, a literal quiet sex. All his senses focused on pleasure given by her. He's trying his best not to say explicit things to set the mood up a notch. He grabbed her hair as he aided her movements. Fuck that eyes, too erotic. She makes it look like giving a blowjob is elating. Her techniques are exquisite, he’ll release faster than he thought.

A momentary stop, she’s teasing him knowing that he’s almost at his limit. She licked the tip before taking it whole, moving her head up and down in a slower motion. Yuta gritted his teeth, preventing himself from saying anything, not wanting to lose in their bet. He smirked, what will she want if I lost? Well, I can’t give her that.

Their fun didn’t stop when he came. Aggressive tongues wanting to dominate each other. Yuta’s right hand is caressing her breasts and the other is squeezing her thighs. Was this their third or fourth? They don’t know, they just fuck until morning.

He was the first to wake up and it’s nine in the morning. Admiring the marks he left on her neck, breasts, belly, thighs, name it there is one. Breakfast in bed will be nice since she must be sore, he thought. He just finished plating when his manager called and cursed on him. He’s about to be late for a photoshoot.

Damned schedule, he blurted. He left the food he prepared at the bedside table and placed a note. Snapped a picture of her hand before leaving. He needs fifteen minutes maximum to get to his apartment, a place she seldom visits. Took a quick shower and headed to the studio.

She’s at the bookstore again. This time, she doesn’t understand why Johnny's so giddy to meet her. Too happy that he hugged her the moment she set foot inside. Cupping her cheeks then smiling widely.

“What’s happening?” she took a step back and frowned. It was at that moment that Johnny remembered she doesn’t have any social media accounts. It’s too toxic there, he remembered she said that when he’s pursuing her to have an Instagram account.

“Oh I think you need to talk to your brother about something. He’s in the stock room.” She eyed the taller. Something is definitely happening. It was when she saw Haechan that she started to sweat out of nervousness.

He was leaning in the wall next to the back door exit. Unfolded his arms and walked straight to her. Suddenly, all of her senses seemed enhanced. The sound of his shoes clacking against the floor, the smell of unopened books, dusts falling in a slow motion, and the taste of her breakfast lingers on her tongue.

“Does he know?” he said in a stern voice. What should he know? She answered the younger. Her heartbeat increases as a second passes. Haechan slid his hands to the pockets of his trousers, looking deep in her eyes.

“Does he know that you’ve been using him? All of your best-selling books were based on him, right?” she nodded. I wasn’t using him, she retaliated. He bit his lips before answering, yeah say that to me who knows the whole story.

There, she found herself remembering what happened a few weeks after they first met. He confessed, he said he likes me. I never took it seriously, we still did what we always do. She was on the verge of quitting being a writer, every book she wrote reminds her of her fiancé— ex-fiancé.

“For fuck's sake, you’re now engaged to him. Admit that you never liked him until he started acting shitty towards you!”

It’s like neon lights, too attractive in the dark. She was in the dark and Yuta was the neon light she needed to continue writing, to continue earning money. She knows she’s oddly attracted to mess, all of her past relationships were toxic. She’s so accustomed to it that she’s craving it.

“I am engaged? I thought it was a parting gift!” the note from earlier this morning says, I’ll be gone for a while. She’s shaking and crying like she lost her soul. Haechan showed her Yuta’s latest post, a picture of her hand wearing their engagement ring with a caption, 'You're my last and eternity'.


	5. Coming Home

Running, brisk walking, running, then brisk walking again. She was like that after she went out of her car. It’s summer but it is suddenly raining. With a bag of dark chocolates in her other hand, she unlocked the door. Finally, the validation she wants was given. But not this sudden, she thought. Is this for real or is he fucking with me again? 

Yuta was sitting on the counter top. Sipping his cup of green tea and humming an unreleased song. She placed the paper bag beside him. Hey, why are you here? You have work, I’ll tell Jaehyun I took you so he won’t deduct your pay. He’s acting unusual, she thought.

“I don’t need that. What is this? I’m fucking engaged? Did I even say yes?” she said while showing Yuta her left hand, bearing the 18-carat rose gold ring decorated white round-cut diamonds crafted by Suzanne Kalan.

He took another sip before placing the cup on the sink. Yuta caressed her hand and left a small kiss. In contrast to what he did, he said it’s my parting gift. Who the fuck said we’re engaged? She was taken aback by the unexpected confession.

Well, you see— Haechan, she stuttered with her sentence. One step back, straightened her composure, and exhaled. He told me about your post, sorry for assuming things. Well, it’s misleading so I can’t be fully blamed for that. She sounded embarrassed with a faint hint of disappointment. 

A laughter was heard from the man. Haechan, that brat! He must’ve been messing with you. We actually spoke on the phone a while ago. Says he’s happy for me. Fucking shit, that kid made me go through some unstable emotions, she thought. Of course Haechan is happy, he wants the best for his idol. Not like a cunning and stubborn woman like me. She turned her head faster than she thought she could when Yuta spoke. Let’s start over again. 

There’s this thing called symbiotic relationship in biology. If it will be used to define their status, they must be standing right above the borderline between mutualism and parasitism. Mutualism, they work together to satisfy their lust and longing for a place to sleep when home feels like a house. Parasitism, all those serendipitous moments they shared at the expense of emotional wounds and uncertain futures. Maybe he knows and maybe he wants to move from being at the borderline to being classified in commensalism. 

Jaehyun has a secret. He’s been contemplating whether to tell Yuta or not. It’s about her and her other insignificant partner. He accidentally saw it, a man’s hand on her waist and her hand entangled at the back of his neck while making out in the back of some store, an accessory shop or maybe a flower shop. He can’t remember exactly. Now that it seems Yuta is engaged, it’s time for another baseball session.

This time he’s the batter. Playing like a pro, he never missed a shot. It’s past lunch and they need to replenish their energy. Back to their favorite restaurant and favorite spot. So you’re engaged, right? He asked as soon as they sat.

“What the fuck, people’s been asking me that for a week now. Again, I am not.” he sighed in relief. So the headlines were true, he did deny the engagement issue. Steaming jajangmyeon and tteokboki arrived at their table. He was about to speak when Yuta interrupted, whatever it is, let me eat first.

It was when Yuta burped that Jaehyun got the chance to speak. He was surprised to hear the older's answer, yeah I know about him. I know what he does, where he lives, his name and his number. A smile, a sad smile, slowly formed on his face. I know she’s just using me for her stories.

“Using you? I never noticed anything like that. Thought you’re the fucked up one--  _ taught _ you to fuck up, my bad.” Jaehyun sipped from his tea, feeling warm inside. Since it’s like that, maybe it’s better to ask him. “If you knew, why did you stay?”

Yuta rested his arms on the manchette, brushed his hair to the back of his head and buried his face on his hands. Jazz music filling the silence between them. He sighed, she'll only like me when I mess up, just like how she is now. I never wanted to be a douchebag but I need to, to get her.


	6. Boss

Music blasts through the closed doors of a club where people inside keeps dancing and drinking until they pass out. Yuta is one of those people. It’s been 127 days without communication or update with her. He’s thinking that his tactic didn’t work, being the playboy and asshole wasn’t enough to lure her in.

Women wanted to have fun with him. Yuta, being drunk, just goes with the flow. Still portraying the playboy image even though in reality he wants to forget for a while. If she sees me like that, why not be like a real one, he thought.

Since Jaehyun had seen enough woman trying to seduce his friend with intentions to rob him or taint his name, Yuta needs to sober up. He’s been watching Yuta from the counter, dancing through the disk jockey's own rendition of the song 'Scared to be Lonely'. Walking through bodies pressed next to each other, he grabbed the older out of the club.

“I’ll drive you home.” he said as he place Yuta in the backseat. He’s feeling guilty, thinking that he is the root of all this happenings. As per Yuta’s request, he did a background check on her on their early days of fucking. Jaehyun thought, if Yuta acted like her previous lovers, maybe she’ll fall in love with him. Her tendency to develop love from the thought that 'I can fix him' made Jaehyun to instruct Yuta to be an asshole. If she becomes broken while in the process, then she’s yours, he said to Yuta before. Well, she’s not easy to manipulate, probably because she’s manipulating them too.

It was only a day after Yuta showed Jaehyun her picture that he realized it’s his new writer— during that time, but not now. Jaehyun prolonged the suffering of his friend by dismissing her off her work, the only place they’ll ever meet. He wants them to cut their ties since she rejected Yuta’s offer to start again. He wasn’t sure if it was pity or anger that he’s feeling for the older but he just wants Yuta to be happy.

Yuta is emotionally and mentally unstable. He is confused if it’s really his personality or did he change to fit in her criteria. Jaehyun is torn between friendship and selfish desires. He knows that she is not worthy to be Yuta's partner but he is also aware of the fact that she is the only one Yuta wants.

Doyoung, Yuta's manager, has been trying to contact him for a while now. All his schedule was pushed at least three days after the original date. Yuta was in a daze, out of focus and drunk. He knows he needs a break but not for too long, he’s in the middle of promoting his new acting gig. It’s in the busy streets of Seoul that he met his talent's no-label woman.

She’s dazzling, as always, but there’s some tint of sadness in her eyes and the way she smiles doesn’t feel happy at all. Doyoung wanted to take a risk so he approached her and invited her for a drink later that day. It’s the same place where Yuta asked a stranger for an opinion. He wanted to know why she left and how'd she been all this time but cannot bring himself to ask. They just ended up talking about politics and the blind supporters of their corrupt government.

His phone chimed a familiar notification bell. Let’s talk about my schedule tonight at my place. Doyoung squeezed his eyes twice, confirming if what he read was real. Luckily it is true and he was about to bid goodbye when another text came. Why don’t we just drink tonight, talk 'bout work tomorrow. See you at the bar.

He wanted to tell Yuta that she’s with him but what if he go berserk again? He can’t interrupt this 'divine' intervention to let the two meet again. He just went along with the drunk babbles of her, stories of how she used him and kept it a secret from him, fucked up and doesn’t want to face the man. She doesn’t know he’s aware of everything.

“Your cheeks are red, you drank too much.” It feels as if a cold water was splashed in her face, making her sober up. She’s experiencing the cocktail effect, dismissing any sound except his breathing. “To my house or yours?”


	7. Yestoday

A drunk confession is something she really needs at the moment so later when she’s 'sober', she can just take it all back and hide under the 'I’m drunk' sentence. Yuta stopped the car and went out to open the car trunk. The city lights of Seoul look serene and she does not know how out of all people in Seoul, Yuta would choose her.

Gray colored blanket wrapped itself on her. Tomorrow is supposed to be their third year as something that can’t be described. His hair is a lot longer now, he gained some weight too. It feels like yesterday when he asked me where to go after escaping his sister’s party. She’s staring at his side profile, admiring the beautiful work of god in front of her. An exhale escaped her lips. She prepared for the worst.

“Hi?” she faced the older and smiled. Her heart is thumping like she’s about to palpitate. Questions flooded her mind, she wanted to ask if he was okay or was he eating properly, but dismissed it. “I missed you.” Yuta didn’t ask for an explanation, he doesn’t want to hurt anymore and hurt her more. They are nothing, they  _ were  _ something. He knows he fucked up, actually they both fucked up.

They’re points along an exponential graph located at the second quadrant of a Cartesian plane. Negative ex and positive why. All the abysmal deeds while moving horizontally, made them go further the negative lane. Never reaching zero because they know they love one another. The beginning of asking why and hoping for restructuring, made the sudden turn to positive and upward. Moving in immeasurable distances, not noticed by the naked eye.

“I won’t ask why you did it. I don’t want to hear the past when we are at the present, instead I’ll ask you one thing.” he looked at her, cheeks turning red from the cold. He held her hand and removed the ring which she stopped by yanking it away. “Did you ever loved me? Even before I became an asshole?”

She doesn’t want to answer. She knows that deep inside she loved him more than she loved Taeyong. He’s better in all aspects compared to the older. She actually pondered why the both of them acted that way and it’s because of her pushing them to be like one. You know, it’s better to be beaten with toxicity that she knows too well than be pampered with love that is a stranger to her. And she cannot blame herself too, she was not aware that she had pushed them to that hell hole.

“Yeah, I think I loved you since you asked me to be your girlfriend. I’m just-- I don’t know. Afraid of commitment? Well, it doesn’t matter now right?” she’s hugging him, face buried at his chest. I missed his smell, that intoxicating blend of his androstenol and perfume. Sweet is not seen in their relationship, they were just sexually active and adults enjoying trips to the beach and mountains, so Yuta was taken aback with her sudden skinship.

He hugged her back, squeezing her lightly and placing his chin on top of her head. Somehow, they both managed to smile. This is practically much better than pounding her, he thought while the other thought that this is more comfy than sucking him. One day, when I’m ready to tell every detail about my past, be ready to take note of it, okay? Yuta just hummed in response.

I think I’ll be fond of sweet moments like this, he untangled himself and chuckled. He closed the distance between their faces and kissed her on her forehead, then down to her nose, and lastly her lips. An almost inaudible “I love you” was released into thin air and a very aggressive kiss answered back with an “I love you too” that followed.

It’s official, I’m getting married. Those were the headlines of every showbiz newspaper in the nation. Reporters were shocked to know that Yuta had been secretly dating a non-celebrity for four years now. All those buzz that started when he posted a hand with a ring might have been a clue that they failed to grasp.

She announced her last book. She said she wanted to focus on their family-to-be. Yuta said that it’s okay to write whenever she wants and not cut it off from her life entirely. Yeah, I’ll be writing but only you and our soon children will get to read it, she smiled at him and continued playing the cello. The book is a fiction based on them and their rollercoaster ride of push and pull. Taeyong’s doing well. It feels like today will be the best day of my life, he always thought to himself. He’s invited to their upcoming wedding and resolved all issues regarding her. 

Jaehyun is actually baffled that her writing style changed and it’s surprisingly good to be an experiment as she said. She usually starts with describing the person or the surroundings. Now she started with a question, ‘ _ Why do we always write sad stories?’ _ . And usually, answers to the questions formed by reading it will be found at the denouement, this time it’s up to the readers to think what is the implicitly said answer. There’s no happily ever after when a story ends, there is always an afterthought and a future untold that is outside the scope of the book, and that is how it ended.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the support uwu  
> I appreciate everything :>


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